Eleven Ways of Participating on Zoom (revised)

I.
In bed, back propped up against
two pillows wearing your alma
mater sweatshirt.

II.
With your laptop on your thighs, tilted
at forty-five degrees, so the audience
has a clear view of your nostril’s contents.

III.
On your office desktop, professionally
dressed, with lots of impressive books
that you haven’t read behind you.

IV.
Eating dinner so everyone will know
you eat meat and don’t chew enough.

V.

After any meal with colorful food bits
protruding from between incisors
and bicuspids.

VI.
Sitting in front of a blindingly bright
window — face obscured like someone from
the anti-terrorist squad being interviewed.

VII.
With your cat walking back and forth in front
of your webcam, especially if they have
high contrast pelage such as black and white.

VIII.
With a fake background that looks like
it’s trying to absorb your body
like a predatory amoeba.